Back from camp and formal. YAY
I typed up a 3 page rant before I left and that made me fell much better. Many thanks to KittyKittyHunter for her suggestion.

Now... it's been 3 weeks since I last posted something. Sounds like a long time but wow... I never realised the time went by that fast! I've got deadlines to meet next week... ganbarimasu. >w<

I entered my oil painting of Potatoes and Silverware into the Hornsby Art Youth Prize and came first. And one of the judges bought it before the ehibition officially began. I was so happy.

So um, I was thinking of making a list of what I need to get done by the time school starts next year (even thouhg holidays aren't here yet and I still have another week of work experience after next week). Well here goes:

Before school ends:

- 1 coloured picture for friend's birthday
- 1 coloured sketch for friend's birthday tomorrow
- omg I need to buy a present for another friend I just realised
- screentone doujinshi and draw omake for friend's birthday next next week

During holidays:

- paint greyscale the GazettE painting (in PS)
- work on my comic
- a number of fanarts that I might be able to make into prints for SMASH! next year
- oil painting for mum's friend
- oil painting for Hornsby Art Society exhibition next year
- a group project with 3 other people from my school (what it is is a secret for now XD)

Well might as well put down my plans for next year:

- pencil drawing of 2 animals
- pencil drawing of a picture of all of the GazettE
- pencil drawing of Hyde
- pencil drawing of someplace interesting
- oil painting of some kind of flower
- oil painting of an animal (maybe birds)
- oil painting of my pocket watch
- oil painting of someplace interesting
- oil painting something that has a lot of cloth
- oil painting in a realistic but not realistic style that I want to work on
- digital painting of a picture of all of the GazettE
- digital painting of Hyde
- digital painting of YUI
- digital sketch of Tokio Hotel
- digital painting of someplace interesting
- inked illustration including skeletons
- inked illustration including motorbikes
- inked illustration including buildings
- inked illustration including mechanical stuffs
- fanarts for KHR
- fanarts for D. Gray-Man
- fanarts for DOGS
- fanarts for Hetalia
- fanarts for Air Gear
- fanarts for Bleach
- fanarts for some other series
- start another comic
- start an animation

ok now i think that it's gonna be impossible to do.
Oh well, I'll try to do as much as I can, hah hah.

Disappointment from and to both sides of this fight.

Oh well, I guess it's not surprising.

I'll just tell them everything, forever and always, but if they want to take away my choice I will do anything to stop them.

Can't depend on my parents forever.

Hah hah

From now on I'll live for myself, not them.

Sorry for the spam.

I'll be all good by tomorrow, hah hah, so don't worry about me... I just need to get this out and I don't have a diary (always tried to keep one but always failed and I don't want to get a blog) so, yeah. Sorry.

So, what I thought was that once exams are over there will be nothing to stress about BUT it turns out I was wrong hah hah...

Got work experience on a different to everyone else because the place I applied for had a special week set aside for work experience and that's in 3 weeks time *very exciting la~* so I'll be doing 2 weeks' worth of work experience...

Gotta draw 2 friends' Bday presents... have to do 2 oil paintings now... 1 for someone that my parents made me paint for, and another for my aunt and uncle in Germany because they want to collect it - now this one I want to make really really good because I really like them and they're awesome people.

Gotta work on my comic (planned to draw 1 page every week but havent' touched it for several months gahhhhhhh).

6 weeks of holidays aren't enough, I need to start now. ><

So... won't be posting anything in a quite a while. I had over 300 deviations this morning... cut it down to 238 now, I feel proud. But I don't think I'll clear that any time soon.

Hope you're all doing well. I'm fine, just have too much to draw and paint lol, but it's 100 times better than studying.

The weirdest ideas and questions pop into my mind when it's exams time, but yeah, seems like that's the way I am now...

So, after an epic fail maths exam and while studying about global issues for my geography exam, I was suddenly enlightened about the fact that the job / career I do in the future isn't always all about me. It concerns other people, and those people may be people close or complete strangers.

I want to go to UTS and study visual communication, or major in fine arts at the National Art School, or go to some other art / design college, whatever. I want to get serialised, or animate for Square Enix or Studio Ghibli, whatever. I want to exibit in the Art Gallery of NSW.

These things are probably possible for me, whichever one I choose. If I work hard enough I should have a chance. Even though I'm nowhere close to good enough the way I am now. Because I have everything I would need to achieve and succeed, other than my own motivation, persistance, hard work and determination. But they are risky careers, and not many people can succeed.

Achitecture is something that lots of people have recommended to me. My parents really want me to be an architect now that they've realised there's no way I'll become a lawyer or doctor. I don't dislike the idea of doing architecture, but to be honest I'd prefer to draw freeahnd a wide range of things with a range of different mediums, and not just bluprints for buildings on grid paper with rulers, compasses, protractors and set squares. Even though architects now have all these awesome 3D modelling and visualisation and rendering softwares, it's just not the same...

But there is major thing about architecture that is better than art or design or animation. Architecture can help people, a lot of people. I watched in a documentary that some architects now are working on designs for buildings that can have a larger internal surface area to contain more people on a smaller piece of land. Sustainable design combined with civil engineering can create buildings that are greener and more environmentally friendly. Desiging stable, low-budget housing for developing countries out of simple materials and simple building methods can improve people's lives by a huge amount.

Architecture makes an impact on the world, it can help people, and pave the path to a better future. Whereas in design, art or animation it can campaign for global awareness on issues, inspire people to work hard, but that's about it. Like how rock stars can sing and write lyrics about how much war sucks and then they go to signing sessions for their fans while soldiers are still wringing each other's necks halfway across the globe.

Just making people know about the problems in the world isn't the same as doing something to solve them. Artists can auction off a painting and donate it to some chartiy then go home, but their work and their minds aren't really there with the issue.

So thinking in term of practicality and benefit to society architecture would be much preferable to simply art or design.

But to be honest, what I really want to do is draw skeletons and paint pictures of smashed flower vases and cityscapes.

Is it selfish be a dreamer who knows about the crapness of the world but would rather keep dreaming than to wake up and act? Is it selfish to want to spend life doing something that I enjoy and have always interested me than to spend life making a difference in the world and changing other people's lives? Is it selfish to take my priviledged birth for granted and disregard the opportunities I may grab hold of and go after something not very likely and doesn't matter much?

*sighs*

ok, end of rant. Thank you very much for all who've read to the end of this journal.
This is probably something I should discuss with my parents, but they're very biased towards me doing architecture, so I wanted to ask for a wider opinion. I'll still talk about this with my parents though.

So... today was my actual 2 years on DA anniversary. Yay!

Thank you very much for everyone's support for me these past two years, you've done soooooo much for me, I can't thank you enough. >w<

I hope I've improved lots over the past year? XD

Over the years I'll work hard!

Thank you all again for all your encouragement and advice, and please continue to stay on DA and go through another year with me.